let me

I'm in love with a Man I'm in love with a Stranger
I'm in love with my Maker whom I have never seen
I'm in love with the Lamb I'm in love with the Lion
I'm in love with my Savior whom I have yet to know

Oh won't You let me love You more, this is all that I desire
Won't You let me love You more this is all that I require
Won't You let me love You more this is my deepest heart's desire
Won't You let me love You more still more and more

You could give to me the gift of walking on water
maybe I will raise the dead
I have one life to live all I have to give to You is love
I have one life to live all I have to give to You is love

If I never walk on water if I never see the miracles
If I never hear your voice so loud
Just knowing that You love me is enough to keep me here
Just hearing those words is enough is enough to satisfy
You do You do You satisfy I couldn't leave even if a tried
I must have You I must have You

When it's been said and when it's all been done
When the race is run it all comes to love

- Misty Edwards [let me love You more]

birthday presence

"So here's to the birthday boy who saved my life." -Erica Bradley

I'm really overwhelmed today. In the best way.

This is my first Christmas without my family. I've been really sad about it this week but I skyped in to the festivities last night as Sarai read the Christmas story, we all said what we were thankful for over the last year and Dustin and I watched and laughed as everyone open their presents. I could not imagine not "being there" for Christmas Eve at my house so I thank the good Lord for modern technology.

Dustin and I woke up this morning to a blanket of still-falling snow. I've had white Christmases before but this one felt like a special treat. Laying in bed watching my husband act like a little kid (lol) being in awe of the snow and snapping pictures out our window left and right.

We put the roast and potatoes we prepped last night in the oven as soon as we got up. After going back to bed for awhile, we came back upstairs to open up the Christmas Box my mom sent in the mail! With the magic of Skype, she watched us open our box filled with personalized stockings and Christmas treats. eeeeeeeeeeee! Movies and games and cookie cutters and candy and coffee cups and gift cards and bath and body works stuff galore! My mom knew it was hurtin my bad that I couldn't be home so she made it extra special for me. Love her so much.

Dustin got me a hair straightener (with a travel size one!), special coffee and a FRENCH PRESS! Omg everybody has been going nuts for these Keurigs but I got exACTly what I wanted and never thought to ask for it. Convenient coffee can't hold a candle to the smoothest coffee you ever had. Whew, child, this stuff is GOOD. Southern butter pecan creamer makes it heaven in a cup. He made me cry; the fact that I never asked for it and he still knew what I wanted made it extra special.

I finally got to give Dustin his gift. Man, lemme just say, I stress out about getting the perfect gift for everyone every single year. Men and my mom are always the worst to buy for. But this year, I knew exactly what I wanted to get him but didn't know how I was gonna pay for it. Long story short, he opened his 3 little gifts and got to the grand finale: an hour flying lesson. He looked more nervous than excited. (lol) But he's been wanting to get his pilot's license forever so I know he's looking forward to it. 39 more hours and he'll have his private pilot's license. One of his dreams that I will so enjoy watching it come true for him. He deserves it.

It smells amazing in here: the pot roast is almost done. Its still snowing in big cotton ball flakes. Frosty the Snowman (one of our presents from Falon!) is playing on our new TV and blu ray player (present from my parents that we were crazy surprised with during the Thanksgiving holiday). I'm with my wonderful husband and our little 4 foot Christmas tree and I wouldn't have it any other way.

We get to go see both of our families next week for 3 days each so I get the best of both worlds. :)

I thank the Lord for this wonderful day. I know there are many that have no family at all or no good memories that make this holiday worth looking forward to. I'm beyond blessed and I'll never forget that. I love my husband, my family, my dear friends and my Jesus. He's so s w e e t to let us have days like this where we can just rest in His goodness.

Yesterday, it looked cold and normal. Today, it's white with snow. He makes all things new.

check list

college degree. check.
married. check.
career. blank.

i think I've always had this life check list in the back of my mind. i pushed my way through my college degree. my relationship with Dustin escalated quickly and we were married before i knew it. my career, on the other hand, has been a huge question mark.
i have taken my cues from so many other voices of affirmation and well-meaning friends and family who have nudged me into open doors of opportunity. I'm not blaming my lack of success on everyone else; I'm pointing out my confidence in other people's views of me rather than seeking the Lord's will.
i've pictured "the Lord's will" as more of a tight rope walk than a road trip. always afraid of losing my balance and feeling exposed and insecure, i have worried myself in knots trying not to slip and fall into failure. i'm guessing that's where all of this inner stress and fear comes from. i have a fear of failure that i've just recently decided to acknowledge. i figured ignoring it would only help it fester so i'm attempting to bring it to light so i can finally rid myself of it somehow. much easier said than done.
all of the progress in my short-lived journey has felt like cautious tiptoes on egg shells. never stepping out with full confidence in my decisions. always second-guessing and trying to find a safe spot to land. am i the double-minded one who's unstable in all her ways? possible. but, God, i hope not.
it's a strange feeling, growing up. more questions than answers. regardless of the questions, there can be confidence. i know the One with the answers. that should be enough. isn't that faith, anyway?

come away.

selah

Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy.

Jesus came to still, heal and restore.

He's good.

He's so much more.

leave it to peter

<sup>After a disturbing discovery a few months ago that the only thing I knew of the book of Acts was really in chapter 2, I have made it my goal to read through the New Testament. I've never read it all the way through before and wanted to know what else I was missing. So, of course, I began with Matthew and now I'm just starting 2 Peter. I've read this particular passage a few times and Pastor Kevin even preached a message on it about a year ago. I looked at the way the Amplified Bible explains this passage and I had to share it. More for myself than anyone else who might skim through. I don't want to keep looking at this scripture and going, "Shoot. . .". This has to be an ongoing process, exercising and developing these areas of character in increasing measure. I want to know what Christian love will be like when I develop genuine diligence and virtue and knowledge and self-control and steadfastness and godliness and brotherly affection. I wonder if I'll even recognize myself. That will be a real revelation.

2 Peter 1:2-11
2</sup>May grace (God's favor) and peace (which is perfect well-being, all necessary good, all spiritual prosperity, and freedom from fears and agitating passions and moral conflicts) be multiplied to you in [the full, personal, precise, and correct] knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.
³For His divine power has bestowed upon us all things that [are requisite and suited] to life and godliness, through the [full, personal] knowledge of Him Who called us by and to His own glory and excellence (virtue).
⁴By means of these He has bestowed on us His precious and exceedingly great promises, so that through them you may escape [by flight] from the moral decay (rottenness and corruption) that is in the world because of covetousness (lust and greed), and become sharers (partakers) of the divine nature.
⁵For this very reason, adding your diligence [to the divine promises], employ every effort in exercising your faith to develop virtue (excellence, resolution, Christian energy), and in [exercising] virtue [develop] knowledge (intelligence),
⁶And in [exercising] knowledge [develop] self-control, and in [exercising] self-control [develop] steadfastness (patience, endurance), and in [exercising] steadfastness [develop] godliness (piety),
⁷And in [exercising] godliness [develop] brotherly affection, and in [exercising] brotherly affection [develop] Christian love.
⁸For as these qualities are yours and increasingly abound in you, they will keep [you] from being idle or unfruitful unto the [full personal] knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).
⁹For whoever lacks these qualities is blind, [spiritually] shortsighted, seeing only what is near to him, and has become oblivious [to the fact] that he was cleansed from his old sins.
¹⁰Because of this, brethren, be all the more solicitous and eager to make sure (to ratify, to strengthen, to make steadfast) your calling and election; for if you do this, you will never stumble or fall.
¹¹Thus there will be richly and abundantly provided for you entry into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

here's to a new season

So much that I'm excited about right now. Please don't let this be a wave on the roller coaster.

Hopefully, this is my new normal. Ahhhhhhh. . .

So strange how the spring and summer seasons did not reflect my spiritual season at all. I was dry and lonely and anemic. Now Fall is here. . . a time when nature rests and brings the most beautiful colors. Cold winds foreshadow the approaching Winter; my spirit is going against the grain. Alive and ready to take on anything, I have more joy now than I've had in a long, long time. I am warm and wrapped in hope.

God is good.

dear Jesus

if we get sent to the mission field, please let it be someplace that stays like this weather most of the time. amen.

my kind of day

Started with really good coffee, great morning at Redemption Point, italian for lunch and a date w/ Dustin Ayers this afternoon: walk on the bridge in the PERfect weather, free admission into the Hunter Art Museum, and a browse around my favorite store on Frazier Ave and he let me listen to a little of Ariodante on the way home followed by our own rendition of Ginevra's Aria. :)
I love that he lets me be me. Crazy and all.
Happy 1 year and 5 months to us. :)
Now time for a fuzzy blanket and The Other Side of Heaven. Movie night!

happy girl

it's chilly outside.

italia

Just rented and watched Letters to Juliet. Missing Italy.

Lucca and Verona are two of the most spectacular places I've ever been.

My own little slices of heaven.

Seeing Cavalleria Rusticana and Pagliacci in the Arena di Verona

is something I'll never forget.

new leaf

I started my new job yesterday. God is faithful. My first job in retail: Things Remembered. My very first customer was an older man who wanted to get a hummingbird engraved on a necklace charm for his daughter. While my new boss, Liz, was on the phone with the corporate office, I asked him if it was his daughter's birthday. He said, "No. It's not her birthday." I said, "Oh well that's sweet of you to buy her a necklace just because you want to." He said, "Well, she was on pills for a long time. She's doing real good now. I gotta support my baby." He found a water globe with the serenity prayer on it and Liz found him the perfect hummingbird graphic. He took so much care in picking out the perfect chain for her necklace. I found out that his daughter is 37 years old. That old man just blessed me. :)

Then a lady came in during the afternoon and looking for a keychain to give to her husband in honor of their 50th wedding anniversary. That cracked me up. There's all kinds of stuff in that store to commemorate a 50th weddinganniversary and she wants a keychain. She goes, "After 50 years, you don't need nothin' else!" She finally picks out the one she wants and talks with Liz about the words she should put on it. They decide on, "Norman - 50 years of love - Love, Carolyn". So while Liz is engraving the keychain, she asks Carolyn what her secret is to making a marriage last. She says, "You both gotta give 100%. It can't be 50/50. That's the secret." Liz says that her 5th anniversary is tomorrow and I chimed in that I'm just out of my first year. Carolyn goes on to say, "Oh honey, the first 7 years are the worst," [what?!?!] "but if you can get through the first 7, you're good to go. You're gonna fuss. I mean, Norman was raised very different from the way I was raised and two people coming together like that are bound to fuss but it's worth it. Your love will grow; it won't grow apart. But I'll tell you what got me was something that happened three years ago. . . I had to have back surgery and he was my arms, my legs, my everything for a whole year. He bathed me, he dressed me, he was with me every step of the way." Liz was like, "You're giving me chills! Maybe I'll get my husband a keychain."

My feet hurt so bad by 3 o'clock, I wanted to fall over. But I really like the store and I hope I do a good job there.

Last night was scheduled for a prayer meeting with the gals on the DOZ dance team. I made some fresh coffee and lit my new Apple Pie Yankee Candle. Mmmm goodness. Andrea and Pam came over to pray. It was a nice evening. There's such a comfort in knowing that God is for us. Even when we're annoyed (or annoying), confused or feel crazy, God is for us. I'm grateful to have girlfriends that I can be transparent with and that I can count on to call out to God. (One of my three things. :) oh, jojo.)

This morning I rolled over after Dustin slammed the door to head out for work and contemplated what I was gonna do today. I decided that I had to start working out again. No matter how little I start out with, I just have to get back into the habit. I was doing really good there for awhile and trailed off. So I put on some sweats and tennis shoes, grabbed my ipod and went outside. The street I live on is pretty good for walking. Not much traffic and 2 big hills to conquer makes for a good start to my new regimen. I'm walking and walking and walking and I'm talking to myself about how this is a good thing. At least I'm moving. Just then, a rain of leaves fell all around me. Nature's confetti. I love the fall. It doesn't feel like it quite yet but 'tis the season and I'm ready for it. Scarves, sweaters, jackets, and fuzzy socks will all be worn and I will feel at home in them. Brisk breezes, Kona coffee, and pumpkin pie. Yes, please.

true story

Inspired by a walk-through of the Christmas section in Hobby Lobby, Falon and I watched "The Nativity Story" last night. :)
I saw it when it first came out in theaters. I remembered liking it but couldn't remember any specifics. Watching it last night. . . I loved it. I love the story.
I'm guessing that's what everyone who's been to Israel means when they say, "It just brings the Bible to life."
I tend to forget that the people in the Bible (i.e.: Mary, Elizabeth, Joseph, Zecheriah) were actual people. Mary led a normal life. She didn't know she was highly favored until the angel came to tell her so. I can never know her exact thoughts and feelings but I certainly appreciate her humble beginnings, her attitude and her commitment to the Word and promise that God gave her.
The wise men were far from normal but still followed a star for a loooooong time all based on prophecy and faith.

I often wonder what Jesus thoughts were when He was a baby and while He was growing up. I know He was fully God and fully man, but that's crazy for me to think that He was fully God and fully baby. Whoa. Fully God and fully toddler. Even more crazy. Fully God and fully 12 and teaching in the temple. Hello.

I'm 25.

rant

Dustin made the best spaghetti I've ever had last night. Oh my word. It was some kinda good.

In other news, I'm incredibly annoyed. It's so much easier for me to cut people out of my life than put up with them. I signed up for Dustin to be in my life til death parts us, not everyone else. Ugh. Venting: done.

Meanwhile, I still feel stupid and this "apply for everything and only get called for retail or sales positions" is really getting old. I really am grateful that we've made it on the income we've had so far. Seriously. This is just frustrating.

This whole year has been frustrating.

mahwahdge . . . twue wuv

Mr and Mrs Dustin Ayers

:)

I have a good lookin huzby.

radical by david platt

My dad said this book is kicking his butt. I guess so. . .

I read the first 2 pages and wanted to sell all my stuff and wanted to move some place where no one knows my name.

I went to a shoe store today. I told myself that I could buy a pair of shoes because I gave a bunch of clothes away the other day. So, of course, I find this fabulous pair of shoes for $25. Nine West purple pointy pumps. Totally would've been a guilty pleasure purchase. Definitely not a need. The whole time I was checking out how cute they looked with my jeans, I knew I could spend the money on something else worthwhile. I'm simultaneously knowing I should put the shoes back on the shelf and leave while justifying my purchase because so-and-so and so-and-so have tons of shoes and clothes and home decor and electronics that they don't need so why can't I and blah blah blah...

I realize that this was an apparel dilemma that should have been much less dramatic but for some reason that's just how it works with me; the simple issues are complicated for me and what most would find complex, I find obvious and completely understandable. Meanwhile, I finally decide to put the shoes back on the shelf and walk out of the store without spending any money. Small step for mankind, huge accomplishment for me. So I'm mentally applauding myself for my small slice of self-control until I get home and decide to order the book that I started. I look it up on amazon and see the video for it. I youtube it and, of course, find related videos of david platt's sermons and such. I watch this one and I'm speechless.

I dunno why this convicted me so much today. I mean, I've heard sermons about following Jesus my whole life. I was walking through the Walmart parking lot to put my fresh groceries in my car a few minutes ago and realized that I don't consider Jesus a lot in my decision-making. I think of other Christ-proclaimers and try to model myself after them. My salvation is not in question but my obedience is, just like pastor platt says. God is beyond gracious. But He will leave me in a wilderness as long as I have a wilderness mindset. The more I seek the advancement of HIS kingdom and serve HIS purpose, the more fulfilled I will be. I dunno why that's so hard for me to swallow. Why do I feel deprived when I leave shoes behind? They're just shoes. There are men and women that will be left behind because I'm not doing my part to tell them about Jesus. I come up with all kinds of excuses to leave them alone. That's so backwards.

It's none of my business how other Christ-proclaimers spend their time and resources. Whatever the Holy Spirit convicts me of is my own deal. I have to quit taking my cue from everybody else. You'd think I'd have gotten a grip on this by now.

book

i'm reading a book introduced to me by andrea smith which was introduced to her by crystal alley.
it's called Sacred Marriage by gary thomas. it's really rocking my world. it's hard for me to believe that i've been married for over a year and never considered anything that mr. thomas has recently brought to my attention. i wanna start a book club just so i can discuss it w/ someone else! :) i'm only on chapter 2.

p.s.: i really wanna go to an alison krauss and union station concert.

help

others

Lisa Guysleman wrote this in a note:
A homeless guy on a park bench in Chattanooga, eating a hot dog. I caught a glimpse today out of the corner of my eye and I've thought about him all evening. He seemed so satisfied with his hot dog; it was so cute to me! Now, I can't tell you if poor choices or uncontrollable circumstances led him to his lot; it doesn't matter anyway. However, I can tell you that I felt the presence of God when I saw him.
We act as if our $1 dollar sacrifice is some kind of fulfillment of our Christian duty to the homeless. Like there's a religious script and we all say, "Here's a dollar, don't go buy alcohol with it! God bless you!" (there, now leave me alone). Does that really clear our conscience? Isn't he worth more than a dollar? I contemplate the many times that I have sat in arenas to watch men & women quench the Holy Spirit with their own agendas and even then I've given more than $1 when the offering plate was passed.
James 4:26-27"Anyone who sets himself up as 'religious' by talking a good game is self-deceived. This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air. Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from the godless world."
I think I'll grab Josh and go back and visit him. I believe he has insight to offer us. Anyone who watches people all day, everyday, has got to have some great stories to share!
Come to think of it, I had an encounter with a different homeless man in Chattanooga yesterday. I had no money to give him (but I gave him some buffalo wings haha). He ate those wings and we chatted for a brief moment. He was so funny! I love it! I hear the voice of God in those brief encounters.

And she posted this question soon after:

If my memory were erased and i knew NOTHING of life; if someone gave me the gospels to read, and said, "be like Him". With no doctrine, no life experience (only His example), would I then feed the multitudes? Would I defend the prostitute? Would I fast 40 days? Would I DIE on a cross? Maybe BUT, do I desire these things now? (That's when I realized that the words "I desire to be like you, Jesus" were just words).


The crazy thing is that I feel like the Lord has been dealing with me about this for at least a year. It’s been weighing on my mind HEAVILY and I ignore it, justifying the big shove-off because no one else seems to be taking it seriously and the Lord moves through them, so why should I act any different? But I’m starting to realize that maybe the Lord is not pleased with any of us. I know He loves us. His love is permanent and unconditional. I can’t do anything to make Him love me more than or less than He already does. But I should strive to obey, serve, and please Him. “Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Luke) And then “Without faith it is impossible to please Him” (Hebrews) Those scriptures are so common that I assume that I’ve already got those covered. But they’re loaded with layers of instruction to which I pay no attention.

If I love God with all of my mind, I wouldn’t make excuses when I have the opportunity to express love or compassion to someone else. That is sometimes the ONLY reason why I don’t something nice or compassionate… because the person would think I’m weird or the people I’m with would think I’m trying to make them look bad or that it’s so random that it can’t be the Lord or because I would be doing it to make myself feel better than to really show the love of Christ and give Him all of the glory.

Pastor Kevin preached on The Search for Significance using a passage in Luke 6 as his text. Verses 6 through 11 talk about Jesus healing the man with the withered hand on the Sabbath. It says,
"6. Now it happened on another Sabbath, also, that He entered the synagogue and taught. And a man was there whose right hand was withered. 7. So the scribes and Pharisees watch Him closely, whether He would heal on the Sabbath, that they might find an accusation against Him. 8. But He knew their thoughts, and said to the man who had the withered hand, “Arise and stand here.” And he arose and stood. 9. Then Jesus said to them, “I will ask you one thing: Is it lawful on the Sabbath to do good or to do evil, to save life or to destroy?” 10. And when He had looked around at them all, He said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” And he did so, and his hand was restored as whole as the other. 11. But they were filled with rage, and discussed with one another what they might do to Jesus.” (NKJV)

I always thought the hard part of obeying Him would be hearing His voice. The most difficult part for me is that split decision: knowing in my spirit what to do yet frozen by my fear of what people will think. Jesus goes in on the Sabbath KNOWING what He was CALLED to do and ready to do the will of His Father. I’ve heard messages on and read this story before. I just thought it was another instance of Jesus performing a miracle and making the Pharisees jealous of what they couldn’t do. Jesus did indeed heal the man with the withered hand. If all the man had wrong with him was that his hand was deformed, I’m sure he wasn’t writhing in pain or on the verge of death. It seems to me a move of compassion on Jesus’ part. It could have waited. He could’ve said hi to the guy, got his address and found him on Monday and healed him then. But He didn’t. He saw the man, He saw the need and He MET the need. No strings attached.

"Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe." Proverbs 29:25

This is my present conviction.

fireworks

happy independence to the USA. :) i saw a quote today that said, "Never ever EVER mess with a country that has the words "fight" "rockets" and "bombs" in their national anthem..." :) i like that.

last night, a bunch of us gathered at a friends' house to hang out, grill out and set off some cheap fireworks. When the sun finally went down around 9, we ventured into the dark to let the fun begin. :) In the middle of our setting off our little sparklers and other things, we heard ::BOOM:: and then ::POP::. We all turned around just in time to see a firework exploding over the trees… bright streams of colors that quickly disintegrated into ashes. As all of our eyes were still fixed on the haze that was now a small cloud of smoke, I realized that I’m never excited about fireworks until I see them and realize how cool they really are.

Turns out that the two families across the street had purchased a huge selection of expensive fireworks and were going to take their liberty setting them off in the middle of the street. Lucky for us, the long, slanted driveway provided natural theater seating for our unexpected show. We sat and watched for over an hour.

There were all kinds… big, extravagant explosions of color with a couple of duds in between. My favorite ones are the kind that burst into a huge bouquet of white lights that shimmer into gold confetti’s of what I always imagined fairy dust would be. It’s gorgeous. At one point, one of the guys set off what we all thought was going to be a really exciting display of a firework only to discover that it provided plenty of noise but a disappointing presentation. Continuous snaps, crackles and POPS jarred my ears, shocking my poor head into a frenzy of a headache. In my sudden pain and annoyance, I had an unexpected revelation. Standing there, my face twitching in discomfort, I realized how similar I’ve been to that firework. All noise with no light makes for a disappointing display. The noise may be what catches the attention but the light is what makes the noise worth it.

lol

one of favorite things in the whole world is laughing. i have one of those laughs... big, boisterous, not appropriate in a small restaurant or a reverent gathering. While I was in one of my hilarious fits of laughter the other day, suddenly it struck me how similar it is to the releasing of a shout or a dance or a even what one might call their "heavenly language". No one I know would argue that laughing is unnatural. Some may argue that it is disruptive or annoying but never unnatural. It's a function of grace, I think. Everything has a cause and an effect. Because I'm shocked, I may lift my eyebrows or gasp or scream. Because I'm excited, I may smile or clap or holler back. Because I'm overjoyed, I may laugh or cry or laugh and cry. Laughter is an amazing release of energy and happiness. It can happen at anytime. A chuckle to oneself or a burst to be shared in the presence of many, whether familiar or strange. Dustin hates to go to movies with me for this very reason. I find things funny that no one else does, so I'm cackling all alone because of something I saw one of the extras do in the background or because I just re-played a scene in my head. I can't apologize. I can find humor in just about anything and I can't think of a good reason why I shouldn't.

Laughter is the outside result of an inward work: joy.

Praise is an outside expression of an inside work: HIM.

::rejoice::

I love the prefix "re-". I get to "joy" again and again and again and again.

creator, sustainer

Dustin took this picture while we spent a day in Grand Cayman. This looks really good right about now.

I miss living in Virginia sometimes. An hour away from the beach. I rarely went but when I did, I liked to go in the mornings or on overcast days. Waves crashing and seagulls screeching made for a welcome interruption to my thoughts. Ocean waters, which could so easily be a source of danger were my source of comfort. To sit and watch them revealed a lot to me about God's sovereignty. My own little Selah moment.

He's really good.