old blogs

Deleted my old blog but didn't want to lose the memories.

Friday, April 04, 2008

missionary

Most of my time at Lee has been spent in the music building. Making money, spending money, practice time, wasting time. I’m going to graduate by the grace of God. As Pastor Kevin said, "My wife graduated Summa Cum Laude. I’m ’bout to graduate Thank Ya Lawdy."

The question of purpose has been looming over me for years. Something to do with music seemed the logical path. I won competitions, got into GSA, honors, scholarships, lead roles, blah blah blah. Classical music and opera grew on me but never became part of my soul. I don’t want to eat, sleep, and breathe Mozart, Puccini, and Verdi. I want to enjoy it. Some people are born for the stage. Most of those people are pretentious or mentally unstable.

The farther down this road I go, the more I know that I’m not meant for the stage; I’m meant for the world. My heart beats for music and missions. I want to eat, sleep, and breathe Jesus. I want to do something with lasting value. If I stay in opera, I could do it but its limited to rich people and musical lovers. I want to reach a larger audience. They say a true opera singer can transport you to another world if only for five minutes. I want to bring people into the Throne Room. That’s why I was created. That’s what I will do.

Jesus, lover of my soul
All consuming fire is in Your gaze
Jesus, I want You to know
I will follow You all of my days

No one else in history is like You
History itself belongs to You
Alpha and Omega, You have loved me
And I will spend eternity with You

Its all about You, Jesus
And all this is for You
For Your glory and Your fame
Its not about me
As if you should do things my way
You alone are God
And I surrender to Your way

amber: I love you! I almost shouted out in the library, HALLELUUUUUJAH!

whitney: i think this is the best thing ever. and not just the best thing written. the best thing ever. it's a big task, but you've been crafted for it. crazy thought, huh? i LOVE it.

emily: I'm so so happy that you've come to a decision and owned it, I know you're gonna do what you are here to do and you'll move the world in a way so many others wish they could serve. I lurv ya

( Just don't bash my vapid career path too much :P )

dustin: i love it... so glad you are following the plan that God has before you! keep following Him and only Him and all your dreams will come true through Him!



Tuesday, July 10, 2007


circles

by rachelle sweeterthanacandy barr

resonate: when the chord is struck, let it play

the question of purpose is immense, and difficult, as any question of merit has a right to be. love, of course, we answer. love. why, we ask, and then we see that in every scenario and circumstance, the ultimate answer when all others are dismissed as incomplete, is love. sometimes there are layers to sort through before the truth is clear, but love is the root, the cause, the solution, and even the "problem".

i believe that everything happens for a reason. for the sake of balance, i also believe that there may be infinite possibilities and outcomes for every situation, many that are right, many that are wrong, and many that fall somewhere inbetween. we are human, afterall, and so much of our lives are lived in the hazy inbetween.

love. everything happens for a reason. but ultimately, the reason for everything is love.

back away and look. what a masterpiece, what a panoramic work of art. absolutely breathtaking.

that God, in His infinite creativity and wisdom, would create a work of art that is becoming. we are becoming. what a vast and powerful force (love) that inexorably propels us towards our destination (love). God does not make mistakes (everything happens for a reason).

these are circles, and circles are right, they are whole, complete. they are (and suddenly time and eternity make sense). love is the cause, love is the problem, love is the solution, love is the ultimate answer and love is the God that i serve because my God is love and the implications are

endless, infinite, magnificent, absolutely and undeniably perfect. no, my love is still just as imperfect as i am, but i am loved perfectly, and i am becoming and everything is exactly as God means for it to be.

whitney: wow... i feel a catch up session coming on.

rachelle: oh anna dear, how i love you.



Monday, August 28, 2006

Yes, I'm in a serious relationship

With the Lord. Why can't single people be happy with being single? This is your window of freedom, my friends! Dating, serious relationships, engagements, and marriage are not all they're cracked up to be. Of course, if you're with the RIGHT person, I'm sure it's fantastic. I spent 5 yrs with Mr. Not-even-right-in-the-head and was miserable. "Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies." Not so big on the butterflies, but you get my point. Here at Lee, it seems like being single is the equivalent of not being in a choir, a greek club, or sports team. Don't get me wrong. I'm very happy for the majority of our student body that have found their true love. Good for you. I understand for those that have never been in a relationship that curiousity and longing for such an experience. But seriously people, you don't want to rush these things. Evaluating and analyzing yourself can be a great time of soul searching and a quest to better yourself. But to look at other couples and daily question what's wrong with you is neither healthy nor helpful.
As my mom told an ex-bf of mine, "Spend your time trying to become the perfect mate instead trying to find one." My mom is precious. She was married at 19 (still with my dad, btw) and had me when she was 21. I'm 21 now. If I was married with a kid right now, I'd be out of my mind. I want to get married eventually, only once and to the right person. It may very well not happen that way but that's my plan. Point being, I'm not wasting my time drowning in my sorrows. I don't cringe when asked the inevitable question, "so are you seeing anybody?" I love my single friends. I love my attached friends. I learn from the past, live for the present and hope for the future. That's really all I can do. For now, SINGLE = FABULOUS (p.s.: this may very well turn in a complaint session later on. somebody throw this back in my face. thanksomuch)

kt: I agree! So many of my friends would rather settle for the most idiotic, damaging person than be single for even a moment. Its nauseating and it really hurts both their character and reputation, not to even mention the fact that no one wants to marry a person who has already been around the block 6 or 7...thousand times. I love you for writing this. But, at the same time... Why can't I just find a butterfly?

emily: HOLLA BACK! Being single is like a free season pass to Busch Gardens. I love it and I love that you've got a good head on your shoulders and recognize that all-too-often people our age use relationships as a distractor for their own shortcomings. Being a strong, confident single woman is one of the best feelings in the world!

johannah: AMEN!!!

brian: this is the best blog i think i have every read FOR REAL, i am wantin to publish a book on being single/dating,(not a "i kissed dating goodbye nonsense" book) but something that will instill what you just blogged out into the thick skull of those who are miserable!!! why are you so cool??? i wanna call it.. The Sin in celibacy... its a crazy title but i definitly want your help cause you are freakin reading my mind..... I LOVE IT!!!

theresa: you stupid as hell! being single is a disease, and single women should be massly executed to make way for me go enrich a few mr. right's lives.
what really sucks is to already have 3.7 kids (with one of the way) -- with 4.7 baby daddies... and STILL no ring by spring!



Monday, July 10, 2006

Summer

VIVA ITALIA!!!!

My official claim to fame as of now: I was in Italy when they won the World Cup. THE most insane display of affection from a large group of people that I have ever seen.

So this week has been rough and rewarding just the same. I made my Italy debut on Saturday night. A concert in San Micheletto with a full crowd. Pretty awesome. The cabaret was last night in San Columbano after we spent the day in Pisa. I was a friend, a whore, an aunt, a dominatrix, and a German woman who gets picked up by a gigolo in a bar and does the tango. Think what you will... it was fun.

Private lessons, Italian lessons, coachings, masterclasses, screw-ups, no sleep, incredible parties, Respighi, Sara's story about the tragic night in Florence, Norweigan men at 2am, "This is a musical rehearsal, ladies!!!", stolen shampoo, bad days, Bar Astra, yoga, host mom gone wild, sunflower fields, Viarregio ::wink::, good food, Pianoforte Musica, lunch outside everyday, Upim, the Luglio Sale, new friends, the Italian flag dress, "Take is seriously!", kisses, 15 schedi, gelato, crashing a dinner party, explaining a map to an American tourist in Italian (very proud of that), broken bicicletti, lost sheet music, Le Nozze di Figaro, card games, the awkward turtle, character shoes, and being the middle of the Piazza watching Italy win the World Cup and the explosion that happened afterward have all been balled into a month's worth of the best summer ever. Still a week to go. Lots of things to do and people to say goodbye to. I get to come home to a load of decisions I don't want to make. One thing I've learned here is that I have to look out for me. Not in a selfish way. But I haven't been looking out for me. Time to be good to me and my voice b/c that's all I've got to work with

emily: WOW! Sounds like you've had that perfect summer abroad. I've wished every day that I could be there with you but I know that you probably wouldn't have had nearly the inner-growth if i'd been tagging along. I am SOOOO proud of you!!! Please understand that I expect a full explanation of your entire experience when you get home (even if it takes us 3 sleepovers). I miss you #1, come home to me~*

kt: This is so unfair. I hate you. Gah. Hahaa. Im not jealous or anything....

katie a: aw...*tear*... I am so happy for you! :)



Thursday, May 25, 2006

Reflections

I'm so proud to be a part of Campus Choir. The new album sounds great, by the way.

I taught the adult class tonite at church. I was the youngest one in a room full of 30 - 70 year olds. I didn't feel worthy to teach. I was worried about the fact that I am a 21 year old girl trying to teach the Word to actual adults. I was frustrated with myself for not being able to articulate exactly what I wanted to say. But with every emotion that came over me, I remembered something Doc said or did. You know, he's still a comfort and guide to me even though he's no longer here. Of course the Lord was with me; I'm not trying to demean that at all. I'm just so appreciative of my time to serve under and minister with Dr. Horton.

When he died, of course I cried. I was scared. I was shocked. It began to set in after we got back to Tennessee. The more people ask how you are, the more you have to think about it. I felt guilty for being sad. It's not like I've spent 8 semesters in CC like others have. It's not like I was the Student Director or anything. I was just a section leader. That's all. Nothing more, nothing less. And I always thought he didn't like me. Maybe he didn't. He was always calling me down for things that I didn't even realize I was doing, like Rule #1 when I was only laughing at something that was actually funny. Or I'd say, "Good Lord!" and he'd get on the speaker system and announce to the entire bus that you shouldn't say "Good Lord" unless you're speaking to Him. Little things he would do that would get under my skin. I never tried to disrespect him or push his buttons, but I always seemed to get something wrong. But he wasn't out to get me. He was out to teach me. In his own quirky way, he was teaching me. I get it now.

Doc was a walking disciple. No matter how much I detested his seemingly pointless corrections, I respected him and was proud to be apart of the choir he directed. I trusted him. It's not going to be the same w/o him in the fall. Just knowing he won't be there for auditions or the first day of class gives me a little knot in my stomach. I think about the last service we had with him. He was late. Lindsey was doing a great job directing us and Power Unlimited was doing their thing, but the minute he and Sis. Horton walked in the sanctuary, it felt like something changed. As soon as he hit the platform, we were fine. Maybe I was the only one that felt that way. Our worship didn't change. We didn't start putting on a show for him when he came in. It just changed. Me personally, I trusted Doc. No matter if he was exhausted, we sucked that night, or the sound system was totally off, I knew Doc would hear from the Lord. I was confident in that. Everything from weird things that would go on in a service to musical screw ups, I would glance over at Doc. I always looked to him for the next step. He's not here anymore. I feel such a huge responsibility now. An overwhelming sense of duty. Not to Doc, but to the Lord. God is up to something. Anyone who remains in CC or was there in the services following his death can attest to that. I don't know who the new director is. I haven't the slightest idea. I just know that I have to be ready for what the Lord wants to do.

I smile when I remember Doc's jokes. I laughed out loud in a store the other day when I walked by some hula-hoops. (naval destroyer: not a loose staple in your hula-hoop... it'll come to you later) I'm proud to have an autographed One Year Bible. I wish I could remember everything he said. Little bits and pieces come to me, but I often wonder why I didn't write it all down... the devotionals, the tips, the words, the advice. I don't want to forget. I never want to forget.

katie a: Anna, you are so precious. A testimony that you don't even realize I think. Thanks for opening up in your blog. I love you

katie t: Anna...thank you for your honesty. You gave me courage to say what I feel outloud for the first time what I've been scared out of my mind to say and struggling to find the words for this past month. Love you,Katie Scarlet